FREE ESSAY ON THE IMPACT AND OUTCOME OF PAIN

THE IMPACT AND OUTCOME OF PAIN

The impact and the outcome of pain
The impact of sexual abuse reaches all levels of Childs emotions. Confusion: This is
usually the first reaction of the child. They will usually question, "What is going on?"
and " Is this right or wrong?" For a young child these questions can be a huge load on
their psychological development. Once the abuse begins the victim experience a tremendous
conflict with their emotions. They experience pain, guilt, and anger for what is being
done. The question, "Is this right or wrong?" posses the greatest conflict within the
Childs minds. The abuse feels so wrong yet the abuser insist it is okay, taking advantage
of the Childs mistrust and naivety. This kind of conflict can stay within the victim's
minds for years. This pain and conflict is what Dorothy Allison writes about in her book
'two or three things I know for sure" 
Coming from a dysfunctional low-class family with mostly women around was her environment
for years and the only man around, sexually abused her. Imagine yourself in a similar
position and ask yourself "what would the effect be on me?"
The effect on Dorothy Allison is portrayed in the book. She writes about having mixed
emotions that for people who have not had such an experience seems quit strange. For
example on page 48 (I knew; with fury) she describes the first time making love to a
woman. When she makes love to her the smell reminds her of her stepfather. She feels both
desire and hatred. The desire was what scared her, but by making love to this woman it
made her feel more comfortable with that emotion. The desire resulted in a process of
healing, not thinking of her stepfather while having sex. It takes her a long time tough
not to feel rage when she feels desire.
Comparing a book like this with Ursula Duba's in essence is not hard. Both have the clear
topic of multiple sources of social identity. In both books you can read about things
that make peoples identities change, be it atrocities of war or a horrible experience
like rape. The difference however and also the main topic of this paper lies in emotional
wounds and their possible healing.
In "The bakers story" a poem is written about a baker and his wife, both holocaust
survivors, and the regularly visits Duba and her husband made to the bakery shop. The
husband of Duba, reminds the baker of one of his children, who died in the camps just
like the rest of his whole family. Actually this was the baker's second wife whom he had
met in Auschwitz. The baker later asks the Duba's husband about his roots. "Could they
possibly be related?" is his real question. The husband however does not have sufficient
knowledge about his background to answer the question. Later Duba and her husband move
away from the area and for a while they do not see the bakers couple. When Duba visits
the baker again she finds out about the death of his wife. After hearing this she replies
(p61)"I am so sorry I didn't know she as ill". The baker whispers to her that she wasn't
really sick and that THEY killed her. Stating that the nazi's have infiltrated America's
hospitals.
This section illustrates how the atrocities of war and the horrors of the death camps
must have had on this individual. It's unlikely that his wife was actually killed. The
more realistic option would be that his wife died of cancer since that disease can kill
in a very short time. Also the questioning of the background of Duba's husband portrays
the baker's traumatized identity because the chance of a customer being related to you is
very little.
What this poem in essence is telling us is that a lot of survivors of the death camp are
still very much frightened of the nazi's and their atrocities. A baker that asks for
family roots to a random customer and thinks his wife is killed by nazi's in an American
hospital is clearly affected in his mental and emotional being. You could also say that
this individual, unlike Dorothy Allison, has not fully recovered from his emotional
wounds. 
Now comparing the healing process of a death camp survivor and the sexual abuse of
Allison is worth a whole study. Not only because the environment is totally different,
but also because each individual deals with emotional wounds differently. 
Dorothy Allison struggles with love and her need to be loved. On page 50 she describes
how she used to hide herself away from her feelings of being hurt and desperate. She
would try to help other women but not herself. It took her years to admit to those
feelings. On page 55 she also tells about how love was a mystery, '' a curse that somehow
skipped me". This is of course a self-protection wall she had build up over the years
since her stepfather hurt her. I also think it has to do with all the women around her
she saw being hurt by the men they loved. Sex however she was familiar with and she
described metaphorically how love and sex were different countries to her. 
Now how did she exactly come to a peaceful state of mind about the matter? The question
has a thousand answers. If you read between the lines you can imagine some of the things
that helped her. As a rape victim for instance you feel helpless because someone else is
controlling your body. The karate helps her regain control over her body both physically
but more important mentally. The emotions that I described earlier (not being able to
love or be loved) come when she finally starts loving herself. Page 67 "two or three
things I know for sure, and one of them is how long it takes to learn to love yourself,
how long it took me, how much love I need now" describes her coming to peace with herself
and her emotions.
Now who am I too write about my views on global wounds and their possible healing. I
myself have never had any real traumatic experiences like war, rape etcetera. A strong
point that is made by Allison on page 70, is that she is the only one who can tell the
story of her life and what it means. But one thing I can say is that she dealt with it
after a long struggle while the victim of the poem has not. Why? Because I think some
people are emotionally more flexible and have more self-realization. Some people go are
more emotionally stable and some are not.
I am not comparing the two situations here, cause Allison might have not dealt with a
situation like the baker. What I am saying is that if you take two individuals and put
them in the same situation with the same emotional wounds, the outcome of the effect on
their identities and the possible healing is probably very different. Healing emotionally
from a death camp experience or sexual abuse takes time, a lot of self reflecting and
talking or writing about it. In some cases people come to grips with it and some cases
people don't, like the baker. 
There are two or three things I know for sure; and one is that emotional wounds are dealt
with in various ways. There is no right or wrong on how to deal with it. The other thing
I know for sure is that this book has given me a new sight on emotional healing and its
complexity.