FREE ESSAY ON EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
DEFINE 
E.Q, which stands for emotional quotient, is a fairly new concept in the scientific
community yet it has become one of the most controversial topics. For thousands of years
people have thought that I.Q is destiny, but is has turned out to be not nearly as much
as we thought. Daniel Goleman, a psychology professor at the University of Harvard wrote
a groundbreaking book about the E.Q factor. His book argues that our view of human
intelligence is far too narrow. Ignoring a crucial range of abilities that matter
immensely in terms of how well we do in life. To be "emotionally intelligent" relies on
many factors, which include knowing one's feelings and using them to make life decisions
they can live with. Being able to manage one's emotional life without being hijacked by
it -- not being paralyzed by depression or worry, or swept away by anger. Persisting in
the face of setbacks and channeling one's impulses in order to pursue their goals.
Empathy -- reading other people's emotions without their having to tell you what they are
feeling. Handling feelings in relationships with skill and harmony -- being able to
articulate the unspoken pulse of a group, for example. The phrase "emotional
intelligence" was coined by Yale psychologist Peter Salovey and the University of New
Hampshire's John Mayer eight years ago to describe the emotional qualities one had. 
EFFECTS ONE'S LIFE?
EQ is one of the deciding factors on the outcome of someone's life. Being emotionally
"controlled" can change one's life. It can effect the way you deal with failure, either
accept it or try to persevere in your original goal. For example, someone goes to a job
interview but is turned down. An emotionally intelligent person would think "It's not the
end of the world, there are plenty of jobs out there." Where as an emotionally "unstable"
person would think "Oh no, I'm never going to get a job, then I won't be able to pay my
rent and I'll get kicked out into the streets after which I will turn to a life of crime
which will come to an abrupt end when I'm shot in the head by a cop while trying to seal
some food...I'M DOOMED!" It might be hard to believe but there are plenty of people out
there with that kind of attitude towards rejection. This brings us back to the point that
if someone can handle an emotional situation they will go through life more relaxed and
comfortable.
PART PERSONALITY? EXPERIENCES IN LIFE? ATTITUDES?
Most emotionally intelligent people are outgoing, talkative, fun, and just a joy to be
around. Where as a person with lesser EQ is just the opposite. There is no question
emotionally intelligent people are more liked. No one wants to hang out with a "boring"
person, they want to laugh, to be entertained to be around people with a higher EQ. A
person's attitude towards life's obstacles is practically a surefire way of identifying
whether or not that is a person of high EQ. Optimists are usually the one's with a high
EQ, whereas pessimists are usually lower on the EQ chart. 
THE MARSHMALLOW TEST
It turns out that a scientist can see the future by watching four-year-olds interact with
a marshmallow. The researcher invites the children into a room where he begins the
torment. He places a single marshmallow on a table, you can have the marshmallow right
now, he says. But if you wait while I run an errand you can have two. And then he
leaves.
Some children grab for the marshmallow the minute he leaves. Some last a few minutes
before they give in. But others are determined to wait. Some sing to themselves; they try
to play games or even fall asleep. When the researcher returns he gives them their hard
earned marshmallow. And the, science waits for them to grow up. 
By the time the children reached high school, something remarkable has happened. A survey
of the children's parents and teachers found that those who as four-year-olds waited for
the second marshmallow turned out to be better adjusted more popular, more dependable
teenagers. The children who gave in to the temptation early on were more likely to be
lonely, easily frustrated and stubborn. And when the students where given a Scholastic
Aptitude Test, the kids who had held out longer scored an average of 210 points higher.
OPTIMISM AND EQ 
Most people with a high EQ are optimists, you almost never see a pessimist with a high
EQ. It somewhat of an oxymoron for someone to be emotionally intelligent and pessimistic.
Optimism plays a huge role in the life of an emotionally intelligent person. Optimists
see things differently than pessimists. An optimist would see an obstacle as a challenge,
where as a pessimist would see it a pain in the ass and a waste of time. Being an
optimist makes things easier the person and the people around them, it eases things in
rough situations. An optimist can control his/her emotions in a way that would benefit
them. If a person with a high EQ fails a test thinks "it's not the end of the world, all
I have to do is study harder next time." This kind of attitude eases things on the
person, instead of feeling bad all day for failing they would feel good in knowing that
next time they are faced with a similar situation they will do better. Pessimism has no
place in the life of an emotionally intelligent person. Optimism is more that just
positive thinking, it is a habit of positive thinking. Optimistic children are a joy to
be around. Their zest and zeal is contagious. According to psychologist Martin Seligman,
who writes in more than a thousand studies, involving over half a million children and
adults-optimistic people were less frequently depressed, more successful in school and on
the job, and, surprisingly, even physically healthier than pessimistic people. Perhaps
more importantly, a child that is not born with an optimistic disposition can learn to be
an optimist. Fortunately optimism is an EQ skill that can be learned. 
SELF ESTEEM AND EQ
Self-esteem, like optimism, is essential in order to maintain a healthy emotional life.
People with who have confidence in themselves, their ideas and views, and what they are
all about tend to be more emotionally stable that people who lack self-confidence. Being
self confident gives people the impression that you are reliable and trustworthy. Studies
have showed that children who lack self-esteem are more likely to have emotional problems
such as depression, violent fits and suicidal tendencies. When raising a child it is
essential that the parent try to show as much love as possible, talk to the children
about their day, include them in conversations with other adults, anything that would
give the child confidence in him/herself. People who have high self-esteem are less
likely to be affected by any negative comments, they know that it's what they think of
themselves that counts. Media has had a great impact on what people show accept as normal
and because of that it has become harder for people to have a high self-esteem about
themselves especially their physical appearance. When EQ comes into play media is futile,
emotionally intelligent and secure individuals have enough self-esteem to "crush"
anything negative that might be directed their way. Teaching a child to have self-esteem
is very important. Children's expectations about their abilities begin at home. If
parents show confidence in the children's actions and judgments the children are more
likely to set a higher standard for themselves, in their social and their personal life.
Developing a child's self-esteem through constant praise and reinforcement, as advocated
for many years, may actually do more harm than good. Helping a child feel good about
themselves only has meaning if those feelings are attached to specific accomplishments
and the mastering of new skills.
ABOUT DONNA LYPCHUCK 
An air force employee, Donna Lypchuk was born in Tisdale, Sask. After being transported
around this great land to Trenton, Winnipeg and Ottawa, her parents finally took up
residence on the other side of the 401 in Brockville, Ont. 
After studying theatre and film at York University, Lypchuck eked out a meagre living in
Toronto, forming her own theatre company, The Last Battalion, writing art criticism for
various international art magazines, curating art into nightclubs and making Super-8 art
films that looked like somebody's home movies. 
After living for five years upstairs at the Cameron Hotel, Lypchuk decided to write a
four-act musical play about Queen St. called Tragedy of Manners that opened the season at
Theatre Passe Muraille in 1988 with a cast of 43. Despite the fact that it outraged local
critics, it ran for eight weeks. A collection of short fiction by new Canadian writers
edited by her the following year, New City Fiction, provoked a similarly indignant
reaction from the local press. 
Bored with being a short story writer and contributing editor of Impulse Magazine,
Lypchuk then discovered the wonderful world of screenplay development that culminated in
her acceptance to the Canadian Centre for Advanced Film Studies. She was hired by eye in
1991 to write the necrofile, an experiment in journalism. The Necrofiles, a collection of
her columns in eye was published in 1995 by eye Press, an imprint of eye and Gutter
Press. In the meantime, she has written five well paid for yet unproduced screenplays. 
DANIEL GOLEMAN, Ph.D.
Daniel Goleman is a Harvard psychologist. In 1995 Daniel Goleman wrote a best seller
(emotional intelligence) that would propel the concept of EQ into public awareness.
It made the cover of Time magazine and became a conversation from classrooms to
boardrooms. The implications and significance of EQ even reached the White House. "I'll
tell you what's a great book," President Clinton told reporters at the Tattered Cover
Bookstore in Denver, Colorado, on an unscheduled campaign stop, "this Emotional
Intelligence. It's a very interesting book. I love it. Hilary gave it to me." 
Since the release of his book, Goleman has appeared on countless T.V shows and magazine
interviews. He is one of the pioneers that brought emotional intelligence to the
forefront. 
EQ & STRESS MANAGEMENT
Somebody with high EQ can laugh stress off. Humor is an excellent weapon when it comes to
dealing with stress. Being humorous about your problems can make things easier. Having a
high EQ makes dealing with stress easier. Being an optimist can ease the load. You don't
let things get to you as much, you don't forget about your problems, but you don't allow
them to take an emotional toll on you. This is where optimism comes in play again. Being
an optimist you can always deal with stress better. You can understand that its not the
end of the world, your not going to die, it's just a measly bill.
EQ & ANGER MANAGEMENT
People who have a high EQ you can handle anger much better than those who don't. An
emotionally intelligent will be able to seize on challenge the thoughts that trigger the
surges of anger. Timing matters; the earlier in the anger cycle the more effective.
Emotionally intelligent people have a better grip on their emotions. They are more
capable of managing their emotions. By identifying how they feel, why they feel this way,
they can control the way they react in a given situation. Several experimental programs
have had some success in helping aggressive children. One such program, at Duke
University, worked with aggressive grade-schoolers. For forty minutes, twice a week, and
for six to twelve weeks. The boys were taught that some of the social cues they that were
hostile were actually friendly. They learned to take the perspective of other children,
to get a sense of how they were being seen. They got in direct training in anger
management control the enacting scenes, such as being teased, that might lead them to
lose their temper. One of the key skills of anger control was monitoring their
feelings-becoming aware of their body's sensations, such as muscle tensing. After the
program was over fights in the school dramatically decreased. Anger management is a very
important part in having a high EQ, being able to reason rather acting on impulse.
EQ & CREATIVITY
Having a high EQ gives a person more courage to try new things and go new places. Most
people with high EQ are very creative people, they are not afraid of sharing their ideas
or their thoughts. Although people with high EQ don't usually have the highest grades
they are more than likely more creative than the other children. Creativity can be
developed at a young age. Parents should talk a lot to their kids, take them for walks,
go to the beach, anything that can conjure up the least bit of curiosity. A person once
said, "curiosity is the mother of invention." If parents can get their kids to be curious
at a young age the kids are more likely to grow up more creative.
INDIVIDUALS THAT PROFILE A GREAT EQ
It is not difficult to spot a person with a high EQ. They are usually very talkative,
optimistic, funny, and outgoing. Most (if not every) comedians have a high EQ. Jim Carrey
for instance, has a high EQ. You can tell by watching him. He is always making people
laugh, always making faces you almost never see him in a serious mood(not that being in a
serious mood is a bad thing). People with high EQ usually come from a family with high
EQ. Nobody wants to be around people with low EQ because it brings them down, the most
popular students are usually the ones that profile a high EQ. Being emotionally
intelligent is great for a persons personal and social life.
EQ & SUCCESS
The excitement over the concept of emotional intelligence begins with its applications
for raising and educating children, but extends to it's importance in the world place and
virtually all human relationships. Studies show that the same EQ skills that result in
your child being perceived as an enthusiastic learner by his teacher, or being liked by
his friends on the playground, will also help him twenty years from now in his job or in
his marriage. 
In many studies, adults do not appear to be that different from the children they once
were, and the social working of the job is like the playground from the childhood. The
extent to which EQ skills can effect the workplace is still surprising. A study done at
Bell Labs to find out why scientists were performing poorly at their jobs in spite of
intellectual and academic intelligence equal to their high-achieving colleagues. The
researchers studied the E-mail patterns of all the scientists and found that the
employees who were disliked because of poor emotional and social skills were being left
out by their colleagues, much the way the nerd way left out of games on the playground.
EQ is as important as book-smarts when it comes to success.
EQ & MARRIAGE
What protects a marriage? On the basis of watching interaction in the couples whose
marriages have continued to thrive over the years, researchers offer specific advice for
men and for women, and some general words for both.
Men and women have different emotional needs. For men, the advice is not to side-step
conflict, but to realize that when their wife brings up some grievance or disagreements,
she may be doing it as an act of love, trying to keep the relationship healthy and on
course. When grievances simmer they build and build in intensity until there is an
explosion; when they are aired and worked out it takes the pressure off. But husbands
need to realize that anger or discontent is not the same as a personal attack. Their
wives' emotions are often simply under-liners, describing the degree of her feelings
about the matter.
Men also need to be on guard against short-circuiting the discussion by offering a
practical solution too early on. It's more important to a wife that she feel her husband
hears her complain and understands her feelings about the matter. When a person in
emotionally "stable" it is easier for them to understand their partners feelings. They
are able to emphasize with them. An "emotionally intelligent" relationship is the
healthiest kind of relationship one can have. Being able to understand each other
feelings makes the relationship "stress-free" and easier to live with.
BORN WITH EQ OR LEARNED?
EQ is something a person learns. People aren't born with high EQ, people learn it. The
best time to learn EQ is during ones childhood (as a child is more easily influenced than
an adult). Psychologists often recommend helping children talk about their emotions as a
way to understand the feelings of others. But words account for only a small part of how
we attach meaning to emotional communication. Teaching children to understand the meaning
of posture, facial expressions, tone of voice, and other body language will be much more
effective in enhancing their understanding of their emotions and those of others. It is
never too late to learn to become emotionally intelligent but the sooner it starts the
easier it is.